Today was not either, and may have simply been an isolated experience, but I got a solid, vivid, technicolor snapshot of what is tough about this experience.
Everything was hard today. Nothing worked, I reached mental overload of new information at school, realized that I have only a few days left to develop some math curriculum and read a couple dozen kids profiles - and it's been one meeting after another of school system info - most of which is new, some of which I understand, all of which fries my mind before I can get to the true aspect of my job. I take comfort in the fact that many of my fellow new teachers have expressed the same thing (not that I take comfort in their lack of ease... you know what I mean, right?). The school server goes down all the time, for every thing I cross off my list, 8 take its place.
I spent parts of the day lugging heavy luggage out of the stuffy dorm, into my new temporary housing. I did not want to have to move twice, but it's half the price, offers a bit of company, and I am grateful for the offer.
I went grocery shopping for the first time here (mind-fuck weirdness doesn't cover it) - and, it took three attempts to pay for it with my card - I pretty much thought I would have lost it right there, started throwing my groceries all over the store, sobbing, and complaining that I hate this stupid expensive country, it's weird directions, crazy ass traffic, stuffy rooms, and warm beer.
I didn't do that though. I breathed a lot and kept moving. I haven't done a stitch of work (Left my laptop at work), I just finally ate, and my arms are shaking and stiff from all the carrying. I miss Em. I miss my dogs. I miss the familiarity of home - I realize now in this moment what a comfort the familiar is.
Well, I wanted to push beyond my comfort zone....
If I can move my body tomorrow, I'll try riding the bike to work. At the moment, I'm so resistant to the thought of that...
I'm gonna take my fussy, tired, cranky ass to bed.
Tomorrow is a new day.
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